Bilal Dardai (bdar) wrote,
Bilal Dardai
bdar

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Walking and talking and blasting robots.

A short scene, that is what I imagine you can expect to see in Aaron Sorkin's script for the musical based on the Flaming Lips' album Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots:



(STUART, a harried young intern, walks quickly into the office of YOSHIMI, a petite Japanese woman in a yellow dress, crystal-blue hat, and small boots. She is tossing items in the air, clearly looking for something.)

STUART: Miss, ah, Yoshimi, I have--
YOSHIMI: (muttering) Lousy nunchuks.
STUART: --a message for...did you say nunch...what did you just say?
YOSHIMI: I can't find my lousy nunchuks.
STUART: Oh.

(Pause.)

STUART: Do you mean that the nunchuks are lousy or--?
YOSHIMI: Can I help you?
STUART: Because if they're lousy maybe you don't want to find them.
YOSHIMI: I mean that it's lousy that I can't find them.
STUART: Right.
YOSHIMI: They were Fong Woo brand. Fong Woo doesn't make lousy nunchuk. They've been making nunchuk since the invention of the weapon and they're artists with the form. I'll bet you didn't know that.
STUART: No. Um, listen--
YOSHIMI: (calling outside the office) Nancy!

(NANCY, a secretary in her 40s, enters with a clipboard. They speak together.)

NANCY: (indicating the clipboard) You need to sign--
YOSHIMI: --Nancy have you seen my--
NANCY: --needs to go out this afternoon--
YOSHIMI: (signing the paper on the clipboard)--they look like two pieces of wood with a chain--
NANCY: --I know what they look like. The Fong Woos.
YOSHIMI: Have you?
NANCY: The nunchuks? No. Lloyd wants to reschedule your lunch meeting.
YOSHIMI: Fine.
NANCY: Also, that laser pistol you ordered--
YOSHIMI: --don't tell me.
NANCY: In transit.
YOSHIMI: They said that the last--
NANCY: --it's in Idaho.
YOSHIMI: Idaho.
NANCY: Boise, Idaho.
YOSHIMI: Nancy.
NANCY: I know.
YOSHIMI: Nancy.
NANCY: I'm working on it.
YOSHIMI: Why is my laser pistol in Idaho?
NANCY: I said--
YOSHIMI: --is there some reason Idaho needs my laser pistol more than I do?
NANCY: I don't--
YOSHIMI: --is there some kind of mutant potato infestation I should be aware of? Some sort of révolution de pomme that requires quelling?
NANCY: Maybe. I'll look into it. (She glances at the coat rack.) And your nunchuks are right there.

(YOSHIMI looks at the nunchuks and then takes them, crisply.)

NANCY: That'll be--?
YOSHIMI: --Yes.

(NANCY exits. STUART has been standing there the whole time. YOSHIMI swings the nunchuks around, practicing, and catches STUART in the face. He falls. It is hilarious.)

YOSHIMI: Are you still there?
STUART: Ouch.
YOSHIMI: You should say something so I don't nunchuk you in the face.
STUART: Ouch.
YOSHIMI: Seriously.
STUART: You can use nunchuk as a verb?
YOSHIMI: Sure. "To nunchuk." It's a verb. Did you have something--?
STUART: --a message.
YOSHIMI: I really am sorry about the--
STUART: --it's fine. You need to know that we're being invaded.
YOSHIMI: Invaded?
STUART: Right.
YOSHIMI: Mutant potatoes?
STUART: No--
YOSHIMI: I was just kidding about that, you can't be telling me--
STUART: --it's not. It's robots.
YOSHIMI: Robots?
STUART: Yes.
YOSHIMI: Actual robots?
STUART: Pink robots.
YOSHIMI: Pink?
STUART: That's what the message says.
YOSHIMI: Salmon or rose?
STUART: I...think it's a range of tints and hues.
YOSHIMI: Pink robots. Well. I guess I should--
STUART: --go--?
YOSHIMI: --battle them. Right. (Calling outside the office.) Nancy, if my laser pistol makes it in from Montana--
NANCY: (offstage) --Idaho!
YOSHIMI: Idaho, please have it sent to wherever I happen to be battling the pink robots? (She presses a button on her belt. A jetpack suddenly appears on her back.) And tell Lloyd we'll just have to cancel until further notice? (To STUART.) I didn't catch your name.
STUART: It's, ah, Stuart.
YOSHIMI: You did good, kid. You did good.

(YOSHIMI jets out of the office window. "Do You Realize??" begins to play, softly. Blackout.)
Tags: fun stuff, playlets, writing
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